Human Resources 2.0

2008 January 27
by Nick Lamb
class HumanResources
{
    private double revenue = ConfigurationSettings.AppSettings["InitialStartupCapital"];          

    static void Main(string[] args)
    {
        while (revenue > 0.0)
        {
            if (DateTime.Now.DayOfYear == 1) // first of the year
            {
                ChangeBenefitProvidersAndMakeEmployeesFillOutPaperwork();
                Console.WriteLine("We're excited to offer these new and exciting benefits!");        

                // calculate new revenue
                revenue -= ThisYearsRevenue() - LamePartiesFund() - DiversityFund();
            }
            else if (DateTime.Now.Day == 1) // first of every month
            {
                PlanLameParty();
                Console.WriteLine("We're excited to offer these fun events this month!");
            }
            else if (DateTime.Now.Month % 3 == 0 && DateTime.Now.Day == 15) // quarterly
            {
                MakeEmployeesFillOutMeaninglessGoalsAndBaseTheirBonusesOnThem();
                Console.WriteLine("We're excited to help you succeed in your career growth!");
            }         

            Thread.Sleep(TimeSpan.FromDays(1)); // sleep until tomorrow           

        }          

        Console.WriteLine("We're sorry, you've been laid off.");
        return 0;}
    }           

  • http://www.quepash.scroggles.com Kirsten

    So this is what the inner-workings of your mind looks like.

  • http://acdub.com Andy

    Heh heh heh…

  • abigail daniel

    where is the human resourse?